Kobe wants out, Wie pulls out, A-Rod isn’t out

A little of this, and a lot of that …

» After a brutal onslaught left their city in tatters, twelve guys from Detroit have reportedly contacted federal authorities, requesting membership in the Witness Protection Program.

» The New York Yankees, 12½ games back of Boston in the AL East, are delaying the return of Roger Clemens due to a groin injury. The Yankees need the Rocket’s legs to be right as he leads the club in steals. Just over $1 million per start, I believe.

» Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant told a New York radio station he would rather play on Pluto than play for the Lakers again. Then he told ESPN there’s nowhere else he’d rather play than in Los Angeles, finishing his career with the Lakers. Kobe ‘s wife wasn’t surprised, since he’s always had trouble with commitment.

» Michelle Wie, the teenage phenom who still wants to hit from the back tees with the men, was 14-over through 16 holes in an LPGA event in South Carolina on Thursday. In grave danger of posting an 88 or higher, which would have banned her from LPGA events for an entire year, she withdrew from the tournament, claiming she had a sore wrist.Yankees’ third baseman Alex Rodriguez had this to say: “Hah!”

» A-Rod had a rough week. One day after being photographed with a busty blonde on his way into an adult entertainment club, the Yankees’ slugger allegedly shouted “Hah!” at Blue Jays third baseman Howie Clark as he rounded third base, causing Clark to drop an inning-ending pop-up. The angry Blue Jays called A-Rod’s move “bush league,” then went back to shouting at New York catcher Jorge Posada that they didn’t want a belly-scratcher.

» Kobe Bryant, offering an L.A. newspaper his review of Shrek the Third: “One thumb up, one thumb down.”

» Michael Vick, desperate to repair his image as the dog-fighting investigation continues, showed up at Atlanta Falcons mini-camp with a clean, short haircut and a new pair of freshly stitched Hush Puppies.

» Detroit Tigers outfielder Gary Sheffield, proving that Rasheed Wallace isn’t the dumbest man in Detroit, says there are more Latin players in baseball than black players only because Latin players can be “controlled” more easily by managers: “You can’t control us,” he told GQ magazine. “You might get a guy to do it that way for a while because he wants to benefit, but in the end, he is going to go back to being who he is — and that’s a person that you’re going to talk to with respect, you’re going to talk to like a man. These are the things my race demands. So, if you’re equally good as this Latin player, guess who’s going to get sent home?”

Yes, Sheffield just said baseball officials don’t have to treat Latin players like men or with respect. The quotes are real and not out of context. I will refrain from further comment in the sincere hope that Latin community leaders will respond appropriately. Just thought you should know.

» Kobe Bryant at the In-n-Out Burger drive-thru: “I want a double-double with cheese and a side of fries. No I don’t.”

» The Orlando Magic have hiredwildly successful collegiate coach Rick Pitino as the club’s new head coach. No, wait, I mean John Calipari. Oops, sorry — it was Tim Floyd. Dang, my bad — I meant Lon Kruger. Hang on — oh, I got it — Billy Donovan. Yeah, that’s it — Billy Donovan is the new head coach in Orlando. Yep … this is certain to work.

» Kobe Bryant at a blinking red light: “Vroom, screech! Vroom, screech! Vroom, screech!”

Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at bfrantz@examiner.com.

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