Emptying out the inbox …
Seems like the most popular figure in last week’s baseball soap opera on Capitol Hill was Andy Pettitte, who wasn’t even there. What kind of a guy is Pettitte, really? — R.H., Houston, Texas
Not a guy you want to cross, that’s for sure. First, he rolls over on his BFFIB (Best Friend Forever In Baseball — it’s a texting thing, you wouldn’t understand it), Roger Clemens, then he rats out his own father! Turns out Pops provided Junior with some leftover HGH he was using for treatment of a disease, and Pettitte gave him up to the feds without even being asked. Betcha Daddy’s wishing he had let little Andy have that car back in 1988 now, huh?
Any truth to the reports that President George W. Bush asked his Republican buddies in Congress to go easy on Clemens, a fellow Texan and friend of Bush 41, and to tear down Brian McNamee as a favor to his daddy? — B.C., Hope, Ark.
Not bloody likely, B.C. When a guy’s got an approval rating of 31 percent, he doesn’t have many “buddies” eager to do him favors. At least none who have designs on being re-elected.
Yeah, but doesn’t Congress have an approval rating of about 11 percent? To them, the president must be the most popular kid in school!
How are the young Giants players coping right now, as they enter their first spring training in 15 years without the guidance and leadership of Barry Bonds? — V.C., Burlingame
It’s a struggle, V.C., but they’re doing their best. As they old saying goes, no one can ever replace a guy like Barry, so they’ve split up his duties among the team to try and fill the void. For example, Rich Aurilia is now responsible for being late to stretching exercises, Bengie Molina will be in charge of alienating teammates, Omar Vizquel will now skip the team photo and Ray Durham will commandeer an entire wing of the Giants’ clubhouse and act like an ass to every reporter who ventures near him. A players’ only vote will be held prior to the season opener to determine who begins using steroids and lying about it.
How will Chris Webber ultimately fit into the Warriors’ plans this season, once he plays his way into shape? What can he add to Don Nelson’s rotation? — J.H., Dallas
C-Webb will definitely bring a healthy dose of resentment to the rotation, J.H., especially as he gets more minutes. But he’ll also provide plenty of soft defense and an unselfish attitude. For example, he won’t rebound at all, thereby giving more rebounding opportunities to his teammates, and he can’t run the floor anymore, leaving the younger, more mobile players to bask in the spotlight. And as the Ws get closer to the playoffs, he’ll be a solid anchor to rely on … to weigh down the Golden State bench.
What’s senatah Ah-len Spec-tah’s prah-blem? The way he’s comin’ down on ahh Pats like dat? He knows Coach Bill is wicked smaaht and Tawm Brady is a stah, so why’s he messin’ with ahh team? — M.V., Bahston, Mass.
Well, M.V., if you’re asking why PennsylvaniaSen. Arlen Specter has been meeting with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell as part of an investigation of New England coach Bill Belichick’s bad habit of cheating to win NFL championships, it probably has something to do with protecting the integrity of the game. It seems the commissioner may be complicit in covering up the Patriots’ illegal videotaping activities, and if he is, then Congress needs to do its paht. Err, part.
Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.