If you have a Facebook account, you’re well aware of the “status update.”
For the uninitiated, a status update is a statement telling friends and online acquaintances exactly what the user is doing or thinking. I was once a harsh critic of the social-media craze, and I held out for as long as I could, but I’m now as addicted to Facebook as LeBron James is to attention.
Fully feeding my addiction, I now share with you what I’m thinking — through an entire column full of Facebook status updates.
Bob Frantz …
… is already tired of the LeBron speculation, but thinks a lot of critics in the national media owe him and the Cleveland Cavaliers an apology for calling them “chokers.” After watching Boston curb-stomp the previously-undefeated-in-the-playoffs Orlando Magic on its way to a 3-0 series lead in the Eastern Conference finals, it’s exceedingly clear that the Boston Celtics are simply a far superior team to everyone else in the East.
… is wondering why All-World center Dwight Howard, who spent the entire first round of the playoffs on the bench in foul trouble and who has been awful in the Magic-Celtics series, isn’t being subjected to the same national condemnation as James was for his subpar performance against Boston.
… thinks that Steve Nash, a two-time MVP just like James, should be held equally accountable for never even making it out of a conference final and into the NBA Finals.
… thinks Danica Patrick is every bit the whiny, spoiled brat that she sounded like when she announced during her poor Indy 500 qualifying effort that “this is the worst car I’ve ever had … so it’s not my fault!” Did anyone else have a flashback to Tonya Harding and her busted shoelace?
… believes he could step into a spot in the bottom half of the Giants’ batting order without much of a drop-off in production from what they’re getting now.
… respects the tremendous playoff performance of the Los Angeles Lakers’ Pau Gasol, who has arguably been L.A.’s most consistent performer in the postseason, but still wishes the guy would run into a comb and razor, even if by accident.
… wishes he were as “lucky” when picking lottery numbers as Amare Stoudemire says Lamar Odom has been in the Western Conference finals.</p>
… thinks Phil Jackson should be commended for not caving into political correctness by standing his ground when questioned about the new Arizona illegal immigration law.
… thinks disgraced American cyclist Floyd Landis should be forcibly bound and gagged with LiveStrong bracelets and exiled to France, where the lying coward would feel right at home.
… would like five uninterrupted minutes with ESPN’s Skip Bayless in an empty room, with a tack hammer in the middle of the floor between us.
… feels like the Sharks’ stirring 4-1 series win over the Red Wings happened 20 years ago.
… hates it when soccer fans can’t see the difference between the beauty of a 1-0 pitchers duel in baseball and the boredom of a 1-0 snooze-fest in soccer.
… would like to close his eyes and have the entire World Cup thingy be over by the time he opens them.
Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.