Frantz: Answers aplenty

Emptying out the mailbag …

Q: TIGER WOODS SURE LOOKED GOOD LAST SUNDAY AT THE U.S. OPEN. PLAYED LIKE CRAP, BUT LOOKED GOOD. ANY IDEA IF THOSE SKIN-TIGHT RED GOLF SHIRTS COME IN BIG AND TALL SIZES? — A. Cabrera, Argentina

A: Sure do. And not only that, they’re burn resistant, made especially for pudgy chain smokers whose burningashes occasionally fall onto their pot bellies while lining up their putts.

Q: NOW THAT KOBE BRYANT HAS FINALLY MADE UP HIS MIND ABOUT WANTING A TRADE, WHERE’S THE BEST FIT FOR HIM? —Jerry B., Los Angeles

A: Well, the Los Angeles Lakers stood firmly behind Kobe during his sexual assault troubles, they traded Shaquille O’Neal when Kobe wanted to be The Man in L.A. and they paid him the maximum amount of money allowed by the NBA. And he’s still not happy. His best fit might be his first choice: Pluto.

Q: I’D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS ON WINNING THEIR FOURTH NBA TITLE IN NINE YEARS — THEY’RE A TRUE DYNASTY. BUT HOW COME TIM DUNCAN CAN GO 10-FOR-32 IN GAMES 3 AND 4 OF THE FINALS AND NOT HEAR ABOUT IT, WHILE LEBRON’S 10-FOR-30 MAKES HIM A FLOP? — E. Snow, Akron, Ohio

A: Because LeBron’s 10-for-30 didn’t come alongside Tony Parker’s 10-for-14 or Manu Ginobi’s 8-for-19, that’s why. Oh, and the Big Fundamental’s three previous Finals MVP awards might have something to do with it as well.

Q: WHAT’S THERE TO DO IN PORTLAND? — Greg O., Columbus, Ohio

A: If you’re able to stay out of jail, plenty. For instance, there’s the … ummm … yeah. And then there’s that really cool … ahhh … hmmm. Well, how about checking out the … ohhh … the thing … you know. Crap. Well, how about smoking grass, growing crazy red hair, singing Kumbaya with hippies, and winning NBA titles? Worked for Bill Walton, didn’t it?

Q: WHY’S EVERYBODY PUSHING FOR KEVIN GARNETT TO BE TRADED TO A CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDER SOMEWHERE? YOU CAN’T MEASURE A STAR’S CAREER BY HOW MANY CHAMPIONSHIPS HE’S WON, RIGHT? — Charles B., Alabama

A: Certainly, basketball historians will remember superstar players for their individual accomplishments, but it’s clear that Garnett doesn’t want to be one of thoseguys to retire without a ring and then spend an entire broadcasting career trying to justify it.

Q: I’VE BEEN OUT OF TOUCH LATELY — DETAINED ON BUSINESS. I HEARD BARRY BONDS STILL HASN’T CAUGHT HANK AARON YET — IS THAT TRUE? ANYTHING WE LOYAL FANS CAN DO TO HELP? — G. Anderson, Dublin

A: He’s almost there, G. And trust me … you’ve already done quite enough.

Q: YO, MAN … IF A SUCKA CB CAN STICK IT AN’ PICK IT, AN’ BRING IT BACK TO DA HOUSE FO’ SIX IN THE BIG SHOW, WHAS’ WRONG WITH MAKIN’ IT RAIN FO THE HONEYS, YO? — A. Jones, Las Vegas

A: Well, if you’re asking me why a cornerback who can stick with receivers, intercept passes, and return them for touchdowns in the NFL shouldn’t be allowed to dump bags full of money on strippers while their posses engage in firefights at strip clubs, I guess you’d have to ask Roger Goodell. He’s just weird like that, yo.

Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at bfrantz@examiner.com.


Will Kobe begin training camp with the Lakers?

Share your comments below.

Other Sportssports

If you find our journalism valuable and relevant, please consider joining our Examiner membership program.
Find out more at www.sfexaminer.com/join/

Just Posted

U.S. President-elect Joe Biden and Jill Biden arrive at Biden's inauguration on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol on January 20, 2021, in Washington, DC.  (Win McNamee/Getty Images/TNS)
Joe Biden issues call for ‘unity’ amidst extreme partisan rancor

‘I will be a president for all Americans,’ he says in inauguration speech

MARIETTA, GA - NOVEMBER 15: Democratic U.S. Senate candidates Jon Ossoff (R) and Raphael Warnock (L) of Georgia taps elbows during a rally for supporters on November 15, 2020 in Marietta, Georgia. Both become senators Wednesday.  (Jenny Jarvie/Los Angeles Times/TNS)
Vice President Harris swears in senators Padilla, Warnock, Ossoff

New Democratic senators tip balance of power in upper legislative house

Kamala Harris is sworn in as vice president by U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor as her husband Doug Emhoff looks on at the inauguration of U.S. President Joe Biden on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 20, 2021, in Washington, D.C. (Alex Wong/Getty Images/TNS)
A new turn in history: Kamala Harris sworn in as 49th vice president

Noah Bierman and Melanie Mason Los Angeles Times Kamala Devi Harris, born… Continue reading

From left, Doug Emhoff, U.S. Vice President-elect Kamala Harris, Jill Biden and President-elect Joe Biden wave as they arrive on the East Front of the U.S. Capitol for the inauguration on Jan. 20, 2021 in Washington, DC. During today’s inauguration ceremony Joe Biden becomes the 46th president of the United States. (Joe Raedle/Getty Images/TNS)
Joe Biden inaugurated as 46th president as Trump era comes to an end

Todd Spangler Detroit Free Press Taking over the reins of government at… Continue reading

San Francisco City Hall is lit in gold and amber to remember victims as part of a national Memorial to Lives Lost to COVID-19 on Tuesday, Jan. 19, 2021. (Kevin N. Hume/S.F. Examiner)
San Francisco joins national COVID memorial ceremony

San Francisco took part Tuesday in the first national Memorial to Lives… Continue reading

Most Read