A season of rants and raves

Random Christmas offerings from Santa’s bag o’ fun:

» If I’m Lance Corporal Mardy Collins or Corporal Nate Robinson right now, doing my time in Leavenworth as ordered by Judge David Stern, I’m wondering where my Daniel Kaffee was when I needed him to put Colonel Isiah Jessep on the stand. Afterall, it was the good colonel who ordered the Code Red on the Denver Nuggets, so why does he get off? I’m guessing Judge Stern can’t handle the truth.

» Eight hundred seventy-nine times, coach Bob Knight has walked in victory down the sideline to shake the hand of an opposing coach. Eight hundred seventy-nine times he has been able to call himself and his players “winners” at the end of a day’s work. Eight hundred seventy-nine times he’s been loud, brash, and unapologetic, but 879 times in 41 years, his way has been the right way. Critics can take all the shots they want, but I’ll say this with conviction right now: If the General is still coaching — anywhere — when my son turns 18, I’ll send my boy to play for him. Anywhere.

» Surely my eyes were deceiving me, but I would almost swear I saw several giddy San Jose State players on “SportsCenter” Saturday night holding up their right index fingers as if to indicate that the Spartans were No. 1. Yes, certainly they are. After all, who wouldn’t feel like the best team in the nation after going 9-4 and beating a team with a losing record (6-7 New Mexico) in a bowl game that is relevant only in the drug-addled minds of gambling addicts and corporate CEOs with nothing better to do than waste millions of dollars on pathetic product placement tools like insignificant bowl games? No. 1, indeed.

» The Spartans, along with every other WeDon’tMatterToAnyoneOutsideOurOwnCampus.com Bowl winner, are No. 1 the way basketball’s NIT winner is No. 1.

» So exactly what does a 7-foot-6 MVP candidate scream when he collapses to the floor with a broken bone in his right leg in an NBA game? Yaaaaooooowwwww!

» Tiki Barber may well have played his last NFL game in Giants Stadium on Sunday, and critics are still wondering why he’s retiring so young. Call me crazy, but maybe the guy has talked the talk for 10 years in the NFL … and would actually like to be able to walk the walk when he leaves it.

» The Cincinnati Reds are suing the family of Ken Griffey Jr., who broke his hand in an accident at his home last week, for failing to properly encase the former All-Star in officially licensed Reds’ bubble-wrap, as required by the terms of the new contract he signed after dislocating his shoulder while opening his morning newspaper last season.

» This just in: Another ugly controversy involving college football’s search for a true national champion has been born, as multiple members of the 8-5 Utah team have declared themselves, and not San Jose State, to be No. 1 following their Armed Forces Bowl win over 8-5 Tulsa.

» In a related story, Florida coach Urban Meyer is publicly campaigning for No. 1 status, arguing that his players’ index fingers come from the SEC and are much more worthy of being extended in a championship manner than those of the Utes and Spartans. Michigan coach Lloyd Carr has weighed in on the debate by extending a separate finger in Meyer’s direction.

Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner.

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