Dennis Miller's Ahem: What to do in the downtime between prayers

“…now and at the hour of our death, amen.”
 
Having finished that prayer for the victims and the surviving family members of the Fort Hood tragedy, we should all probably touch base on a few less faith-based truths in this interim before the next.
 
* There’s a likely chance (as in a mortal lock) that some sort of radical Islamic beef with the world played a part in this man’s flame-out. I know, I know, we first have to go down the list of teased, burdened, troubled and overwhelmed but don’t contort yourself too much in an effort to downplay his rave off. “Allahu Akbar” is to Islamic terrorists what “Miami Beach audiences are the greatest audiences in the world” was to Gleason.
 
* You’re also gonna hear that his tenure at Walter Reed Hospital, the Louvre of honor and compassion, might have sent him around the bend. Keep in mind that madmen are entering the apogee of the bend well before we get to meet them.
 
If everyday life gives a nut any nudge at all from behind, it is at best the same half-feeling you’d get from a deft pickpocket. The nobility of the human condition on display at Walter Reed makes one to sprint to the light, not give in to the darkness of the abyss.
 
* We need an Islamic Serpico. To the north-of-a-billion fair-minded Muslims out there, we need your help on this one. Jihad-ville is way too insular for us to infiltrate it. It ends up looking like Ralph Reed sitting in with the Wu Tang Clan, just a tad obvious. Step to the fore and reclaim your faith because it only takes one bad fig to spoil the whole.
 
* Mr. President, please leave the rest of the detainees at Gitmo. It serves dual purposes. First, it’s important occasionally to use the stick in the carrot-and-stick approach or you end up not only walking softly, you also end up carrying a big carrot.
 
Let the radical Islamic world know that if they’re going to perpetually shoot up the saloon when feeling piquant, we are going to store them off to the side when we come into possession of their pink slip.
 
Additionally, if you imprison these guys back here on the mainland, you will turn their prisons into demented salt-licks. Every lunatic looking for a legacy is gonna want to take a run at the Contiguous-48 Grail.
 
* Political correctness started out as a quirky parlor game but it has now become the scarf we are using to auto-asphyxiate ourselves. If an employee is referring to the guy in the next cubicle at work as “The Great Satan,” it’s time to drop into HR and flag it.
 
I know it’s not as egregious a gaffe as telling someone their hair looks nice or having a Washington Redskins helmet phone on their desk but the heads up about the “Great Satan” thing often pays dividends. 
 
And while I’m retching over the PC wall here, can we not train and hire guys who hate us and our way of life to be greeters at military hospitals when our best and brightest come home from the theater of war without all their limbs?
 
This of course is a no-brainer variation on the basic premise that you never include the obese guy on your bobsled team.
 
I guess what I’m saying is can we start using our heads here?
 
Comedian and commentator extraordinaire Dennis Miller appears regularly in the “Miller Time” segment of “The O'Reilly Factor “on Fox News, as well as his own daily talk radio show heard on more than 250 stations across the country.
 
 
 

 

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