Tiny homes that only a nudist could love

S.F. Examiner File PhotoWorking on the tan: While San Francisco supervisors have voted to ban public nudity

Like gossiping and checking one’s iPhone, it’s never good manners to talk politics at the dinner table. But we all do it. And so, in preparation for dinner conversations on this day, when everyone except unfit parents camping out at department stores will be at a table somewhere, I give you a quick primer on what has happened recently in San Francisco politics.

Supervisor Scott Wiener bravely took on the nudists whose desperate cries for attention are ruining brunch in the Castro. (Can’t they just run for office like normal narcissists?) Enduring all manner of unprintable names and unsportsmanlike uses of his own name, Wiener authored a law banning public nudity except for certain celebrations that can be avoided or filmed by your friends from out of town. On Tuesday, the Board of Supervisors voted to enact the law.

Which is kind of a shame because the supes also passed a law authored by Wiener permitting the construction of apartments so small that only people who don’t own clothes can live in them. These “subpartments” can be as tiny as 150 square feet — barely large enough to hold Willie Brown’s hat collection.

But who would live in Smurfville? People willing to pay a premium to live close to work, what with Muni only on time about 60 percent of the time. On Tuesday, the board voted to support spending $1.6 million to fund free passes for low-income young people to ride Muni (elderly and disabled passengers only get discounts). With a backlog of $420 million in deferred maintenance, Muni’s creaking fleet could have certainly used the money to benefit all riders.

Like paying to print free passes to an amusement park where 40 percent of the rides don’t work, holders of free passes and regular customers alike will notice the absurdity of holding tickets for that which is useless. At least it will make Wiener’s go-kartments look like a reliable and convenient place to park one’s birthday suit.

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