Courtesy PhotoCarbon Lounge is the venue for San Francisco's first "Gold Digger" party on Saturday May 11 at 8 p.m.

No shame in dating guru’s ‘gold digger’ game

For dating expert Rich Gosse, the term “gold digger” isn’t negative — it just states a fact of life.

“For thousands of years, the No. 1 quality women have looked for in a husband is whether or not they will be a good provider,” says Gosse, who hosts The City’s first “Gold Digger” party at Carbon Lounge on Saturday night.
“Anthropologists agree that women choose men on the basis of being a provider,” he says. “And you won’t find any controversy over the fact that men always choose the youngest, most beautiful bride they can find.”

Gosse, who has written eight books on dating and hosted  more than 2,000 singles parties on six continents, says the trend for “cougar” parties is waning.

“The most controversial dating trend now is the sugar daddy thing,” Gosse says. Saturday’s sponsor, dating site, has more than 4 million members, according to Gosse — more than the latest statistics (3.8 million) for

How does Gosse feel about the sexist connotations of the term?

“I don’t worry about things like that. I speak the truth,” he says. “If people want to interpret it as sexism, that’s their privilege. There are two kinds of gold diggers. There are those who are out to take advantage. But the vast majority are loving gold diggers looking for a romantic relationship with a guy who has some money. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Gosse also points out that plenty of men are looking for established women, and and other sites offer “sugar momma” dating platforms.

A Bay Area native, Gosse founded a singles group at a local church more than 30 years ago. That effort spawned the world’s largest nonprofit singles organization, American Singles Education Inc.

For more than 20 years, Gosse hosted his parties as a singleton himself. “I was the Hair Club president wearing a toupee,” he jests.

Now happily married, Gosse, who met his wife at one of his parties, has three recommendations for finding a match: get out of the house, go where singles hang out and initiate contact to increase options rather than wait for whoever shows up.

If that fails, Gosse advises lowering standards or being more patient.

“I’m a pragmatist, I support anything that works,” Gosse says. “If people want to come to my parties, that’s a great way, if they want to meet online that’s great, if they want to meet at the gym. All those methods are in my books.”

If You Go

Gold Digger Party
Hosted by
Where: Carbon Lounge, 383 Bay St., S.F.
When: 8 p.m. Saturday
Tickets: $20

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