The holidays are upon us and City Hall is decorated beautifully, complete with an enormous tree. So far, there are no gifts for our supervisors under the tree, so here is my list of what each should receive:
Eric Mar: Mar got his gift early in the form of the hapless David Lee as an opponent in Mar’s race for re-election.
David Chiu: A robot that bangs a gavel every two minutes and says, “Thank you, next speaker,” during public comment so that Chiu can wander around and ignore the speakers like all the other supervisors.
Carmen Chu: In preparation for her new position as tax assessor, the secret list of all Academy of Art properties.
Jane Kim: The “d” she consistently leaves out when saying the word “amendment.” Or a ban on introducing them.
Christina Olague: For the supervisor who lost the election because her political calculations were too clever by half, a do-over.
David Campos: A lock of hair from his idol, Assemblyman Tom Ammiano.
Malia Cohen: Hardly a week goes by that Cohen does not announce an “in memoriam” request to honor a person who has passed away in her life and/or her district. Fewer losses in 2013 would be a gift.
Scott Wiener: Having taken on public nudity, taxis, Muni funding and now our environmental approval process for development, Wiener has made himself a lightning rod. He’ll need some protective gear, and maybe a cape.
Sean Elsbernd: For this termed-out supervisor, a dedicated phone line to the board chambers so he can continue to explain to any member precisely why they are wrong.
Mark Farrell: A bound book of Elsbernd’s “Soliloquies and Tricks of Parliamentary Procedure.”
John Avalos: A seat at the board right next to Norman Yee, the incoming District 7 supervisor who Photoshopped Avalos out of campaign fliers after Avalos endorsed him.
OK, that last one was really for me.