Just another day: Gatlin goofs, Tiger triumphs, Bush gets bucks

Little of this, little of that …

Let’s see: Floyd Landis struggles up the mountains in the grueling 16th stage of the Tour de France, loses his lead and falls to 11th place … eight minutes behind the leaders. He then climbs aboard for the 17th stage, and in the greatest comeback since Lazarus, wins by more than five minutes, vaulting himself back to third in the standings on his way to winning the Tour. He then tests positive for excessive levels of testosterone in his system, leaving us to wonder which of the following two scenarios is more likely: 1) Landis is the most powerful man on the planet and is able to summon superhuman volumes of natural testosterone on a moment’s notice, or 2) In the most heavily-tested sport in the world, Landis injected himself with banned substances in the middle of its most prestigious event, rendering himself guilty of anabolic stupidity.

» Following Landis up the mountain of shame is American sprinter Justin Gatlin, the Olympic champion and co-holder of the world record in the 100-meter dash. Gatlin tested positive for banned substances, including “steroid precursors,” while offering up a familiar explanation: “I cannot account for these results because I have never knowingly used any bannedsubstance.” Now, if Gatlin can only convince Greg Anderson to go to prison for him in order to keep his secrets, he’s in the clear. (And the cream, probably.)

» After Tiger Woods’ driverless two-shot victory over Chris DiMarco at the British Open, in which a leaderboard full of the best players in the world folded like houses of cards during Woods’ unflinching march to victory, PGA professionals are calling for stiffer drug testing on tour. In what they call a necessary effort to level the playing field with Woods, they’d like the list of banned substances expanded to include excessive levels of gray matter, steely determination, laser-like focus, and unimaginable talent.

» A British jockey who shocked the horseracing world when he viciously head-butted his mount in the parade ring apologized for his actions in a statement last week. While acknowledging that striking City Affair with his miniature skull was wrong and pledging to never act in such a way again, the jockey did allege that he was provoked by the animal, who reportedly whinnied him the illegitimate son of an IRA member.

» And in a stunning development, New Orleans residents proved to the rest of the nation that they actually can embrace a man named Bush. Saints’ first round draft pick Reggie Bush absorbed some harsh criticism while missing the first three days of training camp, before finally agreeing to a six-year contract over the weekend. Saints’ fans are reportedly excited about what Bush can do for them, but their enthusiasm was tempered when he tried to smooth things over with his new offensive line by telling right tackle Jammal Brown, “Brownie, you’re doin’ a heckuva job.”

Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at bfrantz@examiner.com.sportsUS

Just Posted

Cabernet Sauvignon grapes sit in a container after being crushed at Smith-Madrone Winery in St. Helena, Calif. on Thursday, Sept. 9, 2021. (Courtesy Smith-Madrone Winery)
San Francisco’s ‘Champagne problems’ — Wine industry suffers supply chain woes

‘Everywhere you turn, things that were easy are no longer easy’

Glasses behind the bar at LUNA in the Mission District on Friday, Oct. 15, 2021. Glassware is just one of the many things restaurants have had trouble keeping in stock as supply chain problems ripple outward. (Kevin N. Hume/The Examiner)
SF restaurants face product shortages and skyrocketing costs

‘The supply chain crisis has impacted us in almost every way imaginable’

A Giants fans hangs his head in disbelief after the Dodgers won the NLDS in a controversial finish to a tight Game 5. (Chris Victorio/Special to The Examiner)
Giants dream season ends at the hands of the Dodgers, 2-1

A masterful game comes down to the bottom of the ninth, and San Francisco came up short

<strong>Workers with Urban Alchemy and the Downtown Streets Team clean at Seventh and Market streets on Oct. 12. <ins>(Kevin N. Hume/The Examiner)</ins> </strong>
<ins></ins>
Why is it so hard to keep San Francisco’s streets clean?

Some blame bureaucracy, others say it’s the residents’ fault

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi — seen in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday — touted Congressional Democrats’ infrastructure bill in San Francisco on Thursday. (Stefani Reynolds/The New York Times)
Pelosi touts infrastructure bill as it nears finish line

Climate change, social safety net among major priorities of Democrats’ 10-year funding measure

Most Read