Willow and Jaden Smith philosophize on time, art and driver's ed

Something is wrong with Will Smith's kids.

Willow, 14, and Jaden, 16, aren't running wild. They just exist outside of space and time.

“I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that's how I know it doesn't exist,” singer Willow told a New York Times reporter earlier this week in a head-scratching interview.

Meanwhile, actor Jaden posited on the duality of the mind: “When you're thinking about something happy, you're thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple.”

Leaving the reader to ponder what is the opposite of an apple, the kids chattered about “prana energy,” art and what they're reading.

“Quantum physics. Osho,” said Willow, name-checking an Indian mystic who died in 1990. Jaden, meanwhile, kept it light with “'The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life' and ancient texts; things that can't be pre-dated.”

Where did the kids learn to talk like college students who've just taken Philosophy 101? Definitely not in class.

“You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver's ed? What's up?,” Jaden said. “If everybody I know has been in an accident, I can't see how driver's ed is really helping them out.”

GRUMPY CAT COMING TO S.F.

Grumpy Cat is using her Scrooge-worthy scowl for a good cause.

The Internet superstar will be at Macy's in Union Square at 5 p.m. Friday to unveil Holiday Windows, a partnership between the retailer and the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals that puts adoptable animals in store windows during the holidays.

Grumpy Cat's glorious glower launched a million memes and earned her a Webby award. She's promoting her Lifetime film “Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever,” in which Aubrey Plaza supplies her voice. Macy's and the SPCA are promoting a program that found homes for 343 animals last year and raised more than $100,000 for the SPCA. Holiday Windows has housed more than 8,000 cats and dogs since its inception in the mid-1980s.

Grumpy Cat will be available for photographs inside the store at 6 p.m., though autographs seem unlikely.

QUICK TAKES

As promised, San Francisco-born comedian Margaret Cho busked at Castro and Market streets on Tuesday to rally support for homeless people. … Mindy Kaling and Chris Messina were in town Tuesday filming scenes in the Haight and near the Golden Gate Bridge for “The Mindy Project.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

49ers linebacker Corey Lemonier is 23. … Actress Jodie Foster (“Elysium”) is 52. … Actress Meg Ryan (“Serious Moonlight”) is 53. … TV host Dick Cavett is 78.

Got scoops or Bay Area celebrity gossip? Email scoop@sfexaminer.com.

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