Stephen Hawking says Zayn Malik is still in One Direction in alternate universe

As always, brokenhearted teens can find solace in theoretical physics.

Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking, author of “A Brief History of Time” and other books you never quite managed to finish, offered hope to One Direction fans still grieving the departure of Zayn Malik during an appearance in Sydney over the weekend.

“What do you think is the cosmological effect of Zayn leaving One Direction and consequently breaking the hearts of millions of teenage girls across the world?,” an audience member asked after the 73-year-old scientist fielded questions on weighty topics such as black holes and time, according to the Australian Broadcasting Corp.

“Finally, a question about something important,” joked Hawking, who has Lou Gehrig’s disease, through his trademark digital speech synthesizer. Hawking spoke Saturday and Sunday at the Sydney Opera House via hologram from his home in Cambridge, England.

“My advice to any heartbroken young girl is to pay close attention to the study of theoretical physics,” Hawking counseled. “Because one day there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe. And in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.”

“This girl may like to know that in another possible universe, she and Zayn are happily married,” Hawking added in the most patronizing answer a scientist could give without proffering a lollipop and pat on the head.

That wedding better taken place soon, as Hawking also warned that humans probably won’t “survive another 1,000 years without escaping beyond our fragile planet.”


Singer-rapper Nicki Minaj performed at a bar mitzvah over the weekend, advising youngsters in the audience to, “Stay in school and don’t be a slouch or a bum.” … Smashing Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan, a longtime wrestling fan, has been named a senior producer at TNA Impact Wrestling. … Actress Jayne Meadows — who hosted the game show “I’ve Got a Secret” in the 1950s and frequently teamed up with her husband, comedian Steve Allen — died Sunday at age 95. Allen died in 2000.


Actress Jessica Alba (“Sin City”) is 34. … Actress Penelope Cruz (“Volver”) is 41. … Oakland rapper Too Short is 49. … Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan is 55. … Singer-musician Kim Gordon is 62. … Chez Panisse owner and chef Alice Waters is 71. … Actress-singer Ann-Margret (“Kitten With a Whip”) is 74. … Pulitzer Prize-winning author Harper Lee is 89.

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