Getty Images file photoNew baby: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s son is named Lorenzo Dominic.

Getty Images file photoNew baby: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s son is named Lorenzo Dominic.

Snooki greets lil’ snookums

Reality TV star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi gave birth to little Lorenzo Dominic on Sunday and, as expected, rumors abound.

Unconfirmed sources say her baby is healthy and resting comfortably in his combo incubator-tanning bed. Other reports claim she is not going to breastfeed him, so she can instead “juice her little gorilla” on steroid-laced formula from Day One. (There is, so far, no proof to substantiate such a ridiculous charge.)

However, more reliable sources give a 100 percent probability that she will indeed dress him up in “really stupid outfits” that make him look like a “Montessori Frank Stallone.”

O-bummer

The movie “2016: Obama’s America” debuted over the weekend.

The documentary, directed by conservative talking head Dinesh D’Souza, paints a picture of a “mysterious” man with Kenyan and Muslim roots who wants to “downsize” America and stop the “growth of liberty.”

Judging from the trailer, the film looks pretty damning — with myriad shots of President Barack Obama’s roots in despotic African squalor, loads of wailing Islamic fundamentalists, and a large black family jumping up and down madly during a spirited game of Monopoly. RIP, USA.

Let a smize be your umbrella

This past weekend, Tyra Banks unveiled the 19th “cycle” of “America’s Next Top Model,” promising to completely transform the show by cleverly using the exact same formula. This season’s “twist” is that all the girls are in college.

In the intro to the show, Banks says the theme came to her “after graduating from Harvard.”

Wow!

Could Tyra be an Ivy League brainiac specializing in medieval paleography with an emphasis in runic diphthongs? No. Actually, according to Jezebel.com, Banks has instead completed a nondegree extension course through the school, one that offers a business management certificate to anyone who has a spare $100,000.

Eh, close enough.  

QUICK TAKES

  • Katy Perry has broken up with everyone’s favorite “one-woman (at a time) man,” John Mayer.
  • Musician Rufus Wainwright wed his longtime love, Jorn Weisbrodt, in Montauk, N.Y., on Thursday.
  • Usher has won the court battle with his ex-wife Tameka Foster and will now have primary custody of their two sons.
  • Lifetime finally has a biopic of Anna Nicole Smith in the works. Phew!
  • Over the weekend, NBC News mistakenly reported the death of astronaut Neil Young instead of Neil Armstrong. Oops. Long may you run, Neil!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY

  • Actor Aaron Paul (“Breaking Bad”) is 33.
  • Actress Sarah Chalke (“Scrubs”) is 36.
  • Bassplayer Glen Matlock of The Sex Pistols is 56.
  • Actor Paul Reubens (aka Pee-Wee Herman) is 60.
  • Actress Barbara Bach is 65.
  • Actress Tuesday Weld is 69.

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