Scoop: Alleged Bieber assault – What really happened?

This just in: Ostensibly adorable tween idol Justin Bieber is a heartless thug who attacks children! Well, not really.

The “Baby” singer is reportedly being investigated by Canadian police for the possible assault of a 12-year-old boy during a laser-tag game — but his team said The Biebs is the real victim, having been harassed and called homophobic slurs.

Along with the taunting, “the 12-year-old and his friends were targeting Bieber and shooting him over and over,” a witness told Us magazine.

“At one point, they bumped into each other by mistake and Justin ended up shoving him to try and get away,” the witness said. “There was an exchange of words and pushing.”

Allegedly, Justin’s father tried to break up the melee, but “the 12-year-old’s dad is a lawyer, so he immediately called the [police] and wanted to press charges.”

“The boy sustained minimal injuries and did not require medical attention,” a Canadian police rep said. “We are continuing our investigation.”

TMZ reported that authorities already concluded Justin was not the instigator. We knew The Biebs didn’t have a nonsweet bone in his body!

 

30 the new 60?

Kim Kardashian leads a charmed life, but she’s angst-ridden about turning 30 years old. Before celebrating her milestone with a wild bash, the socialite told reporters, “I’m not gonna lie, I think 30 just sounds so old.”

Seriously?

The reality TV star, famous for being friends with Paris Hilton and for having a sex tape, said, “I’ll get over it. I feel well-accomplished and I feel blessed and I don’t feel 30, but I’m a little freaked out.”

How plucky!

Not that hitting the big 3-0 isn’t a special occasion for Kim. “I buy myself a gift every year, so this year I bought everything … I wanted,” Kim announced. “I got a new Rolls-Royce. That’s pretty nice, right? I work hard, so I figured, I’m 30, I deserve that.”
Don’t you just feel terribly sorry for poor, old Kim?

 

Shia single?

Was Shia LaBeouf’s romance with Carey Mulligan just an on-set fling?

The “Transformers” star and the Oscar-nominated ingénue became close on the set of “Wall Street 2” — but since the movie has opened, they have barely shared any face time, sources told the New York Post. While Shia films the latest “Transformers” sequel, Carey is in London doing press for her decidedly more highbrow flick “Never Let Me Go.” Reps for each were mum on the relationship.

Well, they might have split up, or they might be Skype-ing every night. You never know.

 

The one — No. 4

She’s been very publicly unlucky in love before, but once again Jessica Simpson is gushing about how much she adores her current beau, football player Eric Johnson, whom she’s been dating since May. Along with various mushy tweets, she’s telling the media it’s love.

“He’s my dude! I love him,” Jess told People magazine. “This [relationship] is just normal, thank God. He’s very, very supportive. [I] couldn’t ask for a better man in my life right now.”

When asked whether her Eric is the one, the singer said, “I never go to that because I already went there, so I’m not gonna jinx my own self. He’s the one for me right now! I’m very happy, I’m in a great place, and if right now could last forever, I’d take it.”

Hate to say it, Jess, but it kind of sounds like you just jinxed yourself — again.

Kitty Raymond is an entertainment writer and astrologer. She welcomes feedback at kitty@media-darling.com.

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