Paris a victim of Luv, bitten by pet kinkajou

Even Paris Hilton’s pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, is sick of her.

The so-called singer was playing with her weird-looking raccoon-monkey-hybrid creature when it decided to take a bite out of crimes against music and acting.

Hilton paid a visit to a hospital emergency room and received a tetanus shot. No word on what shots the animal received.

“Baby Luv bit her. It’s a superficial bite on her left arm,” Hilton’s rep, Elliot Mintz, told The Associated Press. “I don’t view kinkajous as aggressive animals. The same kind of thing could have occurred with a German Shepherd.”

So Long, Baby Luv. Hilton is going to ditch you faster than you can say “Tinkerbell.” Seriously, she ended her friendship with Nicole Richie for less.

No ‘Scrubs’ for Jessica

The alleged romance between “Scrubs” star Zach Braff and Jessica Simpson isn’t going so well.

The writer-director of “Garden State” was trying a little too hard to woo the former Mrs. Nick Lachey at the Pink Elephant in the Hamptons.

“He was flirting up a storm and being very aggressive,” a source told MSNBC. “You could tell it grossed out Jess and her friends. He was like a horny schoolboy.”

Eh, that guy is too talented for her anyway.

It’s been two weeks! Is Christie dating yet?

Christie Brinkley has no intention of working things out with cheatin’ hubby Peter Cook.

Brinkley’s mother, Marjorie, says Cook’s father is in the hospital and that Brinkley is showing a little kindness by not serving him with divorce papers during this difficult time.

“She is not wavering, having second thoughts or taking him back,” Marjorie told Star magazine. “It was out of respect to Harry, [Cook’s] father.”

Yeah, yeah — respect, difficult time, etc., etc. We know the drill. Now for the really important question: Is Brinkley dating anyone yet?

“I have no idea if she will date again,” Marjorie said. “It’s not for me to say. I know she has been asked out on a lot of dates, but hasn’t gone on any yet. Of course, I would like her to. I don’t want her to be a recluse, which she would never be because she is too vibrant, tooalive. She is the most exciting, wonderful person I know.”

No plans for ‘Newlyweds: Christina & Jordan’

Speaking of love and marriage, don’t look for Christina Aguilera to showcase her marriage to music exec Jordan Bratman on a reality show.

Aguilera is obviously aware that doing an MTV reality show is matrimonial suicide. Just ask the divorced or divorcing couples of “Newlyweds,” “Meet the Barkers” and “Til Death Do Us Part.”

“We’ve been approached, but my marriage and my relationship with my husband is something that I really want to protect,” Aguilera told MTV News. “I feel, when you do open yourself up to that whole thing, it must be very difficult. You’re open to all the judgment in the world. At least now, I can say: ‘You don’t know my situation, and it’s very private, special and sacred to me.’”

smansfield@examiner.com

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