Here's our celebrity predictions for 2012

Getty Images file photoWill Kim Kardashian marry and divorce another professional athlete in 2012?

Getty Images file photoWill Kim Kardashian marry and divorce another professional athlete in 2012?

We don’t have a crystal ball or anything, but we do chronicle these celebs’ lives from day to day; hence, we have some hunches about what might happen to them in the coming year.

Jessica Simpson

The first-time mom-to-be has had far more success in fashion lately than in music. (And by “lately,” we mean “ever.”) So considering how delighted she evidently is to be pregnant, we can’t help but presume that in 2012, she will launch a line of maternity wear, or baby wear, or both. Knowing our Jess, we can just imagine her unveiling a collection of nursing bras and promoting them on talk shows — with some serious TMI about how she uses them.

George Clooney

Predicting what’s next for George Clooney is pretty much like shooting fish in a barrel. We’re confident going on record to say that in 2012, he will break up with his current girlfriend (Stacy Keibler), continue to star in and direct critically acclaimed films, and look really hot in black suits. How’s that for prescient?

Britney Spears

Now that she is engaged to former manager Jason Trawick, who will be husband No. 3, we wouldn’t be surprised if the “Baby One More Time” singer announces she’s expecting baby No. 3. Let’s just hope that pregnancy hormones don’t derail the amazing progress she has made since that breakdown a few years back.

Jay-Z

He is already a living hip-hop legend, a mega-successful businessman and the dad-to-be of a baby with fellow superstar Beyoncé. So what can the “Empire State of Mind” rapper do to top himself in 2012? Well, the New York mayoral race is wide open, and he’s got mad money to spend courting potential voters — most of whom already idolize him and his wife. We’re fully expecting Jay to turn “Run This Town” into a campaign song.

Kim Kardashian

Whether or not her love for Kris Humphries was legit, it’s clear that with her wedding and subsequent divorce announcement, the reality star hit on a winning formula for publicity — and that’s something we’re certain she truly loves. So keeping her name in the press in 2012 is a no-brainer: Kim will marry and divorce a different professional athlete every two months. (We would say every month, but realistically, the paperwork wouldn’t be processed that fast.)

Justin Bieber

Tired of being known for his tween-heartthrob haircut, the “Baby” singer is likely to do a complete image overhaul in 2012 — shaving his head, piercing multiple body parts and getting a Mike Tyson-style face tattoo. Ha ha, just kidding! He’ll probably continue his clean-cut canoodling with Selena Gomez and maybe release another Christmas album. Waaat-waaah.

Pippa Middleton

We’re kind of surprised that the future king of England’s new sister-in-law hasn’t already capitalized on America’s newfound obsession with her (and her derriere). In 2012, it’s time for her to seize advantage of all these months of free publicity and really start marketing her “brand.” Just for starters, she could roll out a line of butt-padding underwear inserts and an E! show called “Keeping Up With Pippa.”

Ryan Gosling

Unfairly robbed by Bradley Cooper of the title of 2011’s People magazine Sexiest Man Alive, Ryan will keep his eyes on the prize in the coming year. He will eschew edgy, violent indie films such as “Drive” for chick flicks such as “The Notebook,” and call the paparazzi to give them a heads-up every time he’s about to go jogging shirtless. (OK, so maybe that’s not so much a prediction as wishful thinking.)

Madonna

As we all know from that terrible John Cusack movie, the Mayans predicted that December 2012 will witness the end of the world as we know it. So with that in mind, we’re guessing Her Madgesty will ditch Kabbalah and join a doomsday cult. After all, if the prophecy is true, this could be her last chance to change religions!

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