Hearst scion says brown-bag Cosmo

Getty Images File PhotoFilthy! Victoria Hearst wants to ensure sexy Cosmopolitan is kept under wraps.

Victoria Hearst, Patty’s sister and a native San Franciscan, has a thing or two to say to her family’s Hearst Corp., the publishers of Cosmopolitan magazine.

The 55-year-old granddaughter of William Randolph Hearst, former publisher of The San Francisco Examiner, is a born-again Christian who doesn’t take too kindly to the sex-filled “Gurley” mag. “We are not trying to censor the magazine,” she told foxnews.com, adding that she merely wants them to “voluntarily bag it and make sure it is sold to adults only.”

She does have a bit of a point. Cosmo, which is famous for headers like “When Your Vagina Acts Weird,” is full of articles giving explicit, step-by-step instructions on all things sinful.

Victoria says that her protestations to her family’s publishing empire have fallen on deaf ears, but that won’t stop her foundation, Praise Him Ministries, from trying to change management’s mind.

If only there was a Cosmo Quiz for that!

Dog save the queen

We have some sad news: Queen Elizabeth’s corgi Monty has died.

The herder sent shockwaves through the world when he took a star turn during the James Bond sequence in the recent opening of the London Olympics, greeting star Daniel Craig as he entered the queen’s palace.

Now only the queen’s other two corgis, Willow and Holly, remain.

There’s no official word on how the dog died, but rumor has it that the video segment whetted his appetite for espionage, and he fled to Afghanistan to fight against the Taliban.

Unfortunately, according to some sources, enemy forces caught up with him in his fortified kennel in Kabul, where he fought bravely but eventually succumbed to mortar fire.

Donations in Monty’s name can be made to the British Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Quick Takes

  • Blake Lively wed her beau, Ryan Reynolds, Sunday in South Carolina.
  • Beyoncé told Anderson Cooper that changing her daughter’s diapers is “so beautiful.”
  • Lindsay Lohan sent a tweet to the president, asking him to give millionaires tax cuts … and she wasn’t being sarcastic.
  • Brad Pitt gave a shout-out to same-sex marriage: “[It’s] inevitable. The next generation, they get it. It is just a matter of time before it becomes a reality.”
  • Rihanna got an under-the-boobs tattoo of the winged Egyptian goddess Isis.

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