Arnold Schwarzenegger's life full of success and rock-bottoms

Reuters File PhotoHappy Birthday! President Jimmy Carter turns 88 today.

He promised us he would “be back,” this time with a tell-all biography, “Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story.” No, Arnie, we believe you — especially since even the title of your book contains fractured English.

Former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s tome is full of his “success stories” and “failures,” such as that one dumb thing he did when he was married — you know, getting the maid pregnant.

“I think it was the stupidest thing I’ve done in the whole relationship,” he said on “60 Minutes” Sunday.

Schwarzenegger probably weighed adultery against drinking out of the milk carton. He also admitted to an affair with Brigitte Nielsen while he was courting Maria Shriver. The Kennedy curse strikes again: assassination, drowning, plane crashes, Austrian bodybuilders.

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Ignoble savage

Arnie might not know when to pull out, but California’s other favorite Republican sure does.

Michael Savage, the volatile radio host from San Francisco who sounds like some loony uncle with egg salad stuck in his teeth, has won a legal battle against Talk Radio Network and is now a free agent. This means he will be taking his gay-hippie-Mexican-feminazi-bashing elsewhere, thank you very much, adding on his website that he “will not be heard on radio for some time,” until he can secure the proper venue.

With more than 8 million listeners, he should have his pick of the litter.

Blinded me with Scientology

Johnny Lewis, the “Sons of Anarchy” star who is accused of killing an 81-year-old woman and dismembering her cat before falling to his death from a roof, was deeply involved with Scientology, according to sources.

This is more bad press for the organization. Lewis’ father was a high-ranking official in the church, and the young actor reportedly reached the “clear” stage of “auditing” at 16. This of course meant that he was free from any psychological impediments, apparently leaving him open to go completely insane. It doesn’t help that he had drug problems, but also allegedly suffered from mental illness.

Since Scientology is famous for eschewing psychology or medication for brain ailments, this can’t look good for the PR department.

Quick Takes

  • Lindsay Lohan got into an argument early Sunday with a 25-year-old man in her New York City hotel room over photos on a cellphone and she was physically grabbed or thrown.
  • Anderson Cooper made an apology to “Real Housewives” star Teresa Giudice for accusing her of being immature.
  • Did Ashton Kutcher ask Mila Kunis to marry him? Too bad he is still legally married to Demi Moore!
  • The show must go on! How else to explain the fact that Justin Bieber still performed in Arizona, despite being so sick that he barfed on stage? (Not that any of the fans noticed.)

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