Sergio Romo’s World Baseball Classic cameo — and let’s get real, it was nothing more — got entirely too much attention, and entirely too much gravitas was attached to everything he did for the Tres Colores.
That’s not to say there shouldn’t be some thought put into who might have to close for the Giants should Romo’s head or elbow explode.
But aren’t we forgetting Santiago Casilla, and Jeremy Affeldt, and even young Heath Hembree?
Same message for A’s fans all knotted up over Grant Balfour — if there are any. Say Balfour’s maniacal approach to rehab backfires. Say he can’t go.
OK. Also say you have this Ryan Cook cat. You know, the kid who made the AL All-Star team as a CLOSER last year.
And should that fail, let’s say hello to Sean Doolittle, one of the few humans in the world who can tell an elite hitter that he’s about to throw gas down Main Street and get away with it.
In other words, when it comes to closers in the Bay Area, fret not. Options abound. Really good options.
ALEX AN ORDINARY JOE: If anyone sees Alex Smith wearing a Chiefs jersey and thinks about Joe Montana, that person needs to be slapped repeatedly on the back of the neck with sandpaper dipped in hot grease, then strung upside down and forced to listen to an endless loop of Taylor Swift’s “Trouble.”
Repeat: Alex is apples. Joe is gold. Knock it off.
JACKPOT: Does anyone out there really not like Anquan Boldin for a sixth-round pick? Holy ingrate, Batman!
Who gives a crap if Boldin can’t stretch the field? Who did that for the Niners last year? Randy Moss? Please.
Quick question: Would the Niners have won the Super Bowl last year had Moss and Boldin been on opposite teams?
If you don’t think so, please stop reading this column. You’re a million times dumber than the audience we seek.
WARRIORS TOUGH TO READ: Got a read on the Warriors yet? It gets harder every day. Fortunately, the rest of the teams in the West are easy reads. So expect the Dubs to make the playoffs.
Just don’t expect much more — unless Andy Bogut finds an old P90X tape and goes ape-nuts for a couple months.
Mychael Urban has covered Bay Area sports for more than 22 years as a contributor to Comcast SportsNet, CSNBayArea.com, KNBR, MLB.com, ESPN The Magazine and various newspapers. Follow him on Twitter @BigUrbSports. His website is UrbsUnchained.com.