Frantz: A giant welcome back, Jason Giambi

Together again: A’s general manager Billy Beane, left, seemed thrilled to be reunited with Jason Giambi at last week’s news conference. (AP)

SAN FRANCISCO — Dear Jason,

Welcome back to the Bay, G-man! You’ve gotta be lovin’ life again! You get to grow that hair back out, and start partyin’ like a rock star, rakin’ like an All-Star, and ... I forget how the rest of that goes. Anyway, you gotta help me out here and answer just one question for me:

How’d you do it? How’d you pull it off?

Seriously, dude, you gotta let me in on the secret. Maybe you can’t, if it’s all about pigment, cause I can’t do anything about that. But if there’s something else, you gotta help me, bro. I just don’t get it.

I mean, we were both doing the same thing at about the same time, right?

I jumped on the BALCO juice and stole a home run title; you jumped on it and stole somebody’s MVP.

I got my junk from Greg Anderson; you did, too.

I got hauled before a grand jury, and so did you.

I told them I was clean and didn’t know what I was taking. You went in and actually admitted you cheated!

What was it you said to them, that somebody leaked to the press? Oh, yeah, I remember. You said, “I was wrong for doing that stuff.

What we should have done a long time ago was stand up — players, ownership, everybody — and said ‘We made a mistake.’”

Then you said, “We should have apologized back then and made sure we had a rule in place and gone forward. Steroids and all of that was a part of history. But it was a topic that everybody wanted to avoid.”

You admitted it, dog! And you get to come back to Oakland riding a white horse like some kind of hero! But me? They ain’t got nothin’ on me but some accusations, cause I denied everything, and I can’t even get a tryout!

I’m blackballed and you get to play? What the hell is that?!?

Sorry, don’t get me wrong, G, I’m not hatin’ on you. I just can’t figure it out.

You’ve been DH-ing in New York all this time I’ve been out, collecting checks and living the life, and now you get to come back and start over again here. Giants won’t have me back. A’s wouldn’t give me a look. I don’t know if it’s collusion, man, but something ain’t right.

Damn that was a monster season you had in 2000. What was it, 43 bombs, I think? Drove in 137 runs? Hit .333? HUGE, man! Much respect! But can I ask you something, though? Anybody ever ask you to give that MVP back to Thomas? I mean, Frank hit 43, just like you, with 143 ribbies and a .328 average, and dude did it NATCH. I’m just asking, because they tell me all the time that Hank should still be the HR King.

I don’t know, G. I’m starting to think there’s a double standard or something. Maybe I’m wrong. If you can tell me how to keep playin’ after gettin’ busted, just like you did, you gotta do it, man. I mean, tramps like us ... we gotta stick together.

Peace,
Barry B.

Sports personality Bob Frantz is a regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at bfrantz@sfexaminer.com.