Tom Vilsack wears the bear!!! 

The most interesting thing to me about the Shirley Sherrod scandal wasn't her or how she was fired because the Obama Administration was worried that her video was going to appear on Glenn Beck, even though it never did, on the day in question. Instead, what interested me most was a relatively bit player in this episode...

the Secretary of Agriculture who fired her, most likely on orders from above (later retracted)---Tom Vilsack. You see, Tom and I go back a few years. In fact I probably had the first (and maybe only) blog to endorse him for President. Specifically my DUmmie FUnnies blog endorsed him to receive the Democrat presidential nomination in late 2006.

Was this endorsement the result of his policies or dynamic leadership qualities? Not at all. Vilsack is and was entirely devoid of any sort of charisma and is utterly lacking in the humor department. His lackluster speeches were deadly dull with a personality to match. So why the endorsement? All because of one photo. Possibly the most bizarre photo in American politics. It shows normally serious Vilsack wearing a huge Winnie the Pooh bear on his head as his mouth displays a hint of an embarrassed smile.

I therefore paired my endorsement with the suggestion that Vilsack start wearing that Winnie the Pooh bear at campaign events. I even came up with a campaign slogan: "WEAR THE BEAR!"

Had he taken my advice, Vilsack still wouldn't have won the Democrat nomination but he would have definitely drawn attention to himself. More importantly, attention would have been paid to the DUmmie FUnnies where the suggestion was made. Here was is how I described the reasons for my endorsement in December 2006:

...our primary consideration was how the endorsement would HELP the DUmmie FUnnies. Therefore this automatically eliminated a host of candidates such as Hillary, Obama, Kerry, and Edwards. See, they already have sufficient support that any endorsement by the DUmmie FUnnies would be a mere drop in the bucket and we would get NO credit for their rise in the polls. Many have thought that the DUmmie FUnnies would endorse Dennis Kucinich. Wrong again. Kookcinich has a small but strong ultra-liberal base of support so an endorsement by the DUmmie FUnnies would be rejected plus given no credit for any rise in the popularity of the Evil Elf.

This leaves candidates of the bottom tier of the Democrats. Candidates whose ratings are so low that the DUmmie FUnnies could receive credit for any increase in their currently miniscule ratings. This would include candidates such as Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, and Bill Richardson. However, even these candidates are still too well known for the DUmmie FUnnies to really get credit for helping.

 This leaves one standout candidate whose poll numbers are currently so low that he does not even qualify to be in the bottom tier of candidates. In fact he is doing so poorly in the polls that he is now beneath the bottom of the bottom tier of candidates. And this candidate, who is doing poorly enough to earn the DUmmie FUnnies endorsement is none other than...Tom Vilsack!

Not only does the DUmmie FUnnies endorse (for Democrat nomination only) Tom Vilsack but we have a plan on how he can drastically increase his poll numbers. This plan came to me whenever I thought about Governor Vilsack. And the very few times I did think about him I always conjured up the image of him wearing the Pooh Bear on his head. I admit that at first I mocked Governor Vilsack for daring to wear that Pooh Bear in public. However, the more I thought about it, the more I admired him for having the GUTS and confidence in himself to wear it. And this led me to the KEY to how Tom Vilsack can rise in the polls---Wear the Pooh Bear (and other furry critters) whenever he makes a speech in public.

Yes, a lot of folks will laugh at him at first as I did but guess what? He will get a lot of ATTENTION as a result. The first result of wearing furry critters when making speeches is that those speeches will be uploaded and WATCHED on YouTube. As it stands now, folks just won't watch Vilsack make his speeches in any great numbers. However, wear the bear and Vilsack would become an instant HIT on YouTube.

 ...I am therefore proposing that Governor Vilsack consider using the Pooh Bear that he has already worn and use it again and again (along with other furry critter dolls) in his campaign. Speak about war, economy, immigration, health, and a whole host of other issues and few will pay attention. However speak on the same issues wearing a furry critter on your head, Governor Vilsack, and MANY will watch. I guarantee it. 

 Alas, Tom Vilsack didn't take the advice of your humble correspondent and quickly exited the campaign although few noticed he was even in it. The DUmmie FUnnies then switched its endorsement for Democrat nomination to another candidate and we were more successful in that effort. The name of the candidate was Joe Biden who we urged to "WEAR THE HAIR!!!"

 

About The Author

P.J. Gladnick

Pin It
Favorite

More by P.J. Gladnick

Wednesday, Dec 17, 2014

Videos

Related to Other News

© 2014 The San Francisco Examiner

Website powered by Foundation