The Onion provides Barack Obama with a mandate: keep doing what he’s doing on spending, but with “awesome” changes.
“Washington has been pouring our hard-earned dollars down the drain for too long,” said activist Brian McGill, addressing a crowd on the National Mall. “And that won’t ever change—we understand that. But we have a message for our elected officials: When you waste taxpayer money, you’d better waste it on something that seriously kicks ass.”
…A CNN poll conducted last month found that, among Americans who favor eliminating tax breaks for Big Oil and blowing the cash on something that’s actually cool, 41 percent want to build a shopping mall in the clouds that would be accessible by hovercar, 33 percent support the research and development of a viable invisibility pill, 19 percent would triple the length of summer, and most of the remaining 7 percent just want sweet new boomerangs that actually come back after you throw them.
In a sign that Onion sources read the Washington Examiner’s Tim Carney, the article urged Obama to “redirect corporate farm subsidies into a fund earmarked for the manufacture and grilling of the world’s largest Polish sausage.”
Talk about “pork-barrel spending.”