Worst ideas of the week: Jan. 4, 2009

SAN FRANCISCO — A man robs a church on Christmas Day, another uses his pay stub to attempt a bank robbery, and an Idaho dad loses his bid for “Father of the Year” in a sadly cold tale.

1. What would Jesus do?

Man robs church on Christmas Day

The details: Depraved people will exist, sociological experts tell us, and there’s nothing we can really do about it. But the horrible act of walking into a church on Christmas Day and using a homemade tool to rob a box of offerings meant to help the poor is beyond comprehension. That is what happened at St. Cecilia Church in the Sunset district, where a man used a hook device to steal from an offertory box that people donated to in the hopes that it would help the homeless and less-fortunate. Fortunately, church leaders still see the good in the world — they refused to press charges after the man was arrested and the money returned.

2. Take a hint, Rod

Besieged Illinois governor names Obama replacement

The details: Gov. Rod Blagojevich is facing charges of corruption because federal officials say he was trying to auction off President-elect Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. After that, it’s obvious he shouldn’t be allowed to appoint anyone, and that’s exactly what the Senate, his home-state politicians and even Obama himself urged him not to do. However, Blagojevich did it anyway, appointing a respected black politician, therefore making the issue even more convoluted because the many people hoping the only black senator would be replaced by a black person are now behind the pick. It just keeps getting worse and worse in the land of Lincoln.

3. Terminal sleep-over

How could anyone actually want to live at an airport?

The details: One of the oddest stories of the year finished off just before 2009 began, as a mysterious Japanese man who had been living at the Mexico City airport since Sept. 2 for no apparent reason just walked out with a woman no one had seen before. Airports are not a fun place: Everything is expensive, everyone’s in a hurry and nobody smells that good. So what made this guy decide to just crash? Why doesn’t he use his return ticket? And why Mexico City? So many questions, but the man — who has not even provided his name — is not answering them.

4. Use the envelope

Man writes his bank-robbery note on pay stub

The details: Stupid criminals always make some wrong turn, but not many reach the idiocy levels of a recent attempted bank robber in Chicago. A man walked into a bank and handed over a note that said, “Be Quick Be Quit. Give your cash or I’ll shoot.” No, the horrible grammar (we assume he meant “quiet”) is not the bad idea. It would be the fact that he wrote the note on the back of his pay stub, the other half of which was found right outside of the bank with his name and address on it. At least it won’t happen again: You don’t get pay stubs in prison.

5. Crazy coaching carousel

NFL teams firing coaches at an insane rate

The details: Stability generates success, both in sports and in life. NFL teams obviously haven’t gotten that message, despite the fact all the recent Super Bowl-winning teams had coaches that had been in place for years before they reached the summit. Four coaches were fired immediately after the regular season ended, including Broncos coach Mike Shanahan, the former Raiders chief who had been at the helm in Denver for 14 years and won two Super Bowls. Even the 49ers got in on the act, dismissing offensive coordinator Mike Martz and two other offensive coaches.

6. California owes you

State may pay bills with IOUs

The details: State Controller John Chiang sent a letter to state agencies this week warning them his office would begin issuing IOUs as early as February unless lawmakers address the state’s budget deficit. The paper promises might even go to some employees and contractors, as well as be given as tax refunds. Of course, residents who owe taxes to the state cannot do likewise.

7. Health without sexism

City’s top attorney to fight state laws that leave women paying more for health care

The details: San Francisco City Attorney Dennis Herrera sent a letter to the state attorney general warning that San Francisco may pursue a lawsuit because the state allows insurance companies to charge women more than men for health coverage. Gender rating is illegal in 10 states, but not here.

8. Kid commute

School district may cut back bus service

The details: Yellow school buses could become scarce as San Francisco school leaders examine $1 million in potential transportation cuts due to a looming double-digit budget shortfall. The transportation cuts could affect all grade levels and will be discussed at a school board meeting Jan. 13. If kids could walk to their neighborhood school, then such cuts wouldn’t be cause for concern, but with a school assignment system that sends some kids across town, not providing bus service means unfairly passing the expense or burden onto parents.

9. The day the music died

Microsoft music players freeze on New Year’s Eve

The details: On Dec. 31, a technical glitch with one version of Microsoft’s Zune media player left users without music, videos and games. As the machines froze up, frustrated users lit up Microsoft’s online support forum with thousands of messages. The Zune has been trying to take a bite out of Apple’s iPod sales, but problems like this should make potential customers wary.

10. What charity?

Paris Hilton defends her Australian shopping spree

The details: It was less than two years ago that a contrite Paris Hilton, after serving 23 days for violating probation in a DUI case, said she wanted to put more focus on charity work. Apparently Australia is her latest charity case. After the 27-year-old Hilton heir drew criticism for spending nearly $4,000 in Sydney during a 40-minute shopping spree, she said to a reporter, “I think it’s important to help out, you know, the economy out here, everywhere in the world.”

Dim bulb of the week: Robert Aragon

Who: An Idaho man who has been charged with second-degree murder and felony injury to a child in the death of his daughter.

What: Your car gets stuck in snow 10 miles from your destination in temperatures ranging from -5 to 27 degrees. You are attempting to take your children to their mother’s house. What do you do? If anyone but this guy answered, “Make them walk,” then they should not have children. Aragon sent his 10-year-old son and 11-year-old daughter off to walk through snow that was 4 feet deep in some points, managed to free his truck ... and then turned around and drove home. The boy ended up at a gas station 4.5 miles away, delirious with hypothermia. They found his sister dead in a snowdrift a couple miles behind him. Now, Aragon faces charges for his actions, an understandable reaction for the worst idea a parent could possibly have.

Sinking ship

In Portland, Ore., a 5-year-old boy has been given his own cooking show. Viewers so far have been taught to make such kid pleasers as chocolate-chip zucchini bread and spaghetti sauce. In this fast-food culture, we congratulate the parents for encouraging the kid’s creative instincts and cooking skills, but we think it’s sad commentary that viewers can’t master such culinary basics on their own.