Gerard Depardieu's autobiography includes gigolo gig, grave robbing

Alastair Grant/AP
Bloated Frenchman Gerard Depardieu
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International national treasure Gerard Depardieu, who recently boasted that he drinks 14 bottles of wine a day, is now plumbing his past for more tales of French depravity.

The U.K.'s Daily Mail has posted excerpts of the 65-year-old actor's pulpy autobiography, and every word sounds like it was fueled by a pack of Gitanes and few liters of le whisky.

“I've known since I was very young that I please homosexuals,” Depardieu writes about discovering a money-making sideline: prostitution. When men approached him asking for sex, he says, “I would ask them for money.”

Eventually he landed an even easier gig: robbing graves. Depardieu describes digging up newly buried bodies at the cemetery and stealing jewelry and shoes.

The biography touches on his recent move to Russia and his friendship with President Vladimir Putin, a kindred spirit: “I think he immediately liked my hooligan side … the fact that I had occasionally been picked up off the pavement dead drunk.”

It also shares his personal phobias.

'I'm obsessed with the racket in my body, the beating of my heart, the gurgling of my intestines, my joints cracking,' he writes. “It's become a phobia to the point that if I'm alone in a hotel I must drink so as not to hear it, so as not to go mad from it. I can't get to sleep unless I am dead drunk.”

For those hoping to read more of “Ca C'est Fait Comme Ca,” it's tant pis, or too bad, for non-Francophones. The book, whose name translates to “That's How It Happened,” is only available in French.

IF THE THRONE IS A-ROCKIN' …

Queen Elizabeth isn't a fan of Grindr.

To be more precise, the 88-year-old monarch isn't a fan of maids, butlers and cooks at Buckingham Palace finding hook-ups on Grindr and Tinder, then dragging them back to their living quarters at nearby St. James' Palace.

“There are real and serious security concerns at Buckingham Palace about members of staff use of dating apps,” a palace source told the U.K.'s Daily Mail. 'The palace police are particularly unhappy about the number of guests of servants staying overnight, especially when they may have only just met on Tinder.”

QUICK TAKES

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY

San Jose State grad and actor Omar Benson Miller (“House of Lies”) is 36. … Raiders free safety Charles Woodson is 38. … Singer Thom Yorke of Radiohead is 46. … Singer Toni Braxton is 47. … TV personality Simon Cowell is 55. … Cellist Yo-Yo Ma is 59. … Actress Mary Badham (“To Kill a Mockingbird”) is 62. … Retired South African Archbishop Desmond Tutu is 83.

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