Seth McFarlane might have been a sucky Oscars host, but it’s not like he writes all the jokes. Jesse Joyce scribes a large bulk of them and has made a tradition out of tweeting the ones the Academy rejected:
“Brokeback was abt gay lovers & in Life of Pi Ang champions the lesbian cause b/c the main character’s afraid of dying alone w/ a cat.”
“Zero Dark Thirty filmed in India-Locals were mad it was used to represent Pakistan & that Bin Laden didnt have a 20 min dance number."
“Tommy Lee Jones is a kind and generous person to work for. This past December he gave Bob Cratchit the whole day off on Christmas.”
“The whole time I watched Denzel in Flight I thought - what an amazing actor & why haven’t they made band aids for black people yet?”
“Don Johnson was great in Django. He hasn’t used the “N” word that much since his days shooting Miami Vice.”
- Perhaps in honor of Black History Month, Donald Trump says that “Django Unchained” is the “most racist movie.”
- The producer of “Best Animated Short Film” was booted from the Oscars for throwing paper airplanes.
- No one is quite sure who invited Brandi Glanville to the Oscars.
- Yup, Jack Nicholson hit on Jennifer Lawrence while she was being interviewed post-ceremony by George Stephanopoulos.
- Instagram told Madonna that she better clean up her act and stop posting pics that violate its community guidelines.
- The Onion made a rare apology to 9-year-old nominee Quevenzhané Wallis for a vulgar tweet about her that it sent out during the Oscars.
- Actress Teresa Palmer (“Warm Bodies”) is 27.
- Actor Shiloh Fernandez (“Red Riding Hood”) is 28.
- Singer Corinne Bailey Rae is 34.
- Singer Erykah Badu is 42.
- Former Giants first baseman J.T. Snow is 45.
- Singer Michael Bolton is 60.
- Mystery writer Elizabeth George is 64.
- Musician Mitch Ryder is 68.
- Actor Bill Duke (“Car Wash”) is 70.
- R&B legend Fats Domino is 85.